Odes to the 2020 Academy Awards

21^st Century Lex Luther

I sit and watch the Oscars, gazing at the carpet red

And I just can’t look away…from Jeff Bezos’ shiny head

I have a lot of questions as to why he’s in attendance

The father of our modern cardboard box dependence

Bong rips for Bong Joon-Ho

Of all the shiny prizes, the best one goes to Bong

(I’m pleasantly surprised, he deserved it all along)

My at-home celebration? Why, I think I’ll pack a bowl!

A fraction of the party probably going on in Seoul

Thank you, Brad Pitt’s Mom
Here is the ode to one Jane Etta Pitt

Your son’s 56-year-old mullet looks lit

I’m terribly sorry! Did that line make you cringe?

It can’t be much worse than Laura Dern’s fringe